[also about God’s grace…]
All this while I have not fully grasp how much God’s grace has been extended unto me in the case of my scholarship. It just suddenly daunt upon me that day.
I have always been quite bitter about my grades not hitting 3.5 which is the requirement given in the contract with MOE. I felt very pressured each time I don’t get it and I always ask God why – why cannot help me get it. Perhaps I felt that given my A level results grade, although not as good as all my other friends who got the scholarship, I thought it was good enough to do decently for my university exams. But it wasn’t the case and each time I put in effort, the results still remains as bad for 5 semesters. I kept asking God why and in fact there were more than once I just find it very difficult to reconcile this issue with God. 😦
But I never understand how God has been merciful and gracious to me. When I grumbled and said that if only I don’t have the scholarship, I would not need to go through all these unnecessary stress. But (actually I am such an idiot) I did not think that given my current CAP without the scholarship, plus I will not be able to further my Honours year… what will I be working as or doing after i graduate? Given my current CAP if not for the contract I have signed (which God has allowed me to), I would not be able to find any job when I graduate! God is the one that knew my limited abilities thus
He allowed me to get the award,
He allowed me to pass that interview,
He allowed me to continue to stay in the scholarship,
He was gracious towards my grumblings,
He was patient towards me,
most importantly…He still loves me.
Thank God we live in a period of grace.. If not I would have been like the Israelites, being swallowed up by the sand. Indeed as Isaiah 55:8 states,
8 “ For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD.
9 “ For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.
God… Thank you so much for loving me and bearing all my ungrateful remarks for the past few years. I have failed to realize how gracious you have been towards me. Thank you for not giving up on me despite my stubbornness. I am sorry for all that grumblings.. I now know that you have it all crafted up for my good.. You are such an awesome God. I am so unworthy of Your grace…You deserve more than my praises.. much more than just praises.