I have this 365 Everyday Blessings Calendar beside my bed (given by somebody as my 21st gift. cant rmb who! oh no!) so every morning i will take a look at the verse and try to meditate on it. Today’s verse is as below:
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”
– Psalm 56:8
It is the first time i come across in the Bible that God actually keeps record of us when we are crying, and He even keeps track of how many tears we cried (i think Daddy must have kept dozens of bottles labelled “Heli’s tears” haha). I don’t know why i always feel that when i cry, i will think that God is just sitting one side looking at me, in a solemn unemotional way wondering why am i crying when i can just get everything from Him and that He gives me the best thing… … i always “push” God one side and kept condemning myself (whether i realised it or not) kept questioning myself why am i crying.. i have God ma, whats wrong with me. And the more i think along this line, the sadder i feel. But i think by doing so, i have been deceived into thinking that way.
Daddy is not the no-emotion Daddy. He knows why we cry, how sad we are and He is not interested in condemning us AT ALL (romans 8:1). I think feelings are feelings, and they are real. David, at the start of Psalm 56 claimed that he praised God and even said in verse 4,
“I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me?”
subsequently he shared about the tears part — he must have teared too and know that God knew that he cried and God actually kept record. In verse 10, he repeated verse 4 again. So i think i was wrong in thinking that once i cry, i lose the “battle” le. It is just the process. (I think it has to do with our upbringing too – like i was taught not to cry by my mum, cos she said crying does not help. and i grew up thinking crying has to be controlled and it is pointless to cry. so when i do cry, i think i feel stupid and useless)
ONE, Crying is just an expression of our feeling and that we need not continue following just what we feel but we can CHOOSE to praise God still in the midst of adversity.
TWO, i am wrong to think that God does not care about our sad side, about us crying and tearing. I think as a Father, He would feel sad also when we cry buckets of tears. He not only records, but Daddy keeps the tears as well. God does not even keep records of our wrongs, but keep records of our tears! (so it is not wrong to tear!)
So yup. *sniff* God loves me and God cares for my every feeling – happy or sad, He records. But this does not mean that we should continue to just feel sad all the time because Jesus came so that we might have victory in all things, so while it is our “natural” self to cry and feel sad, we must not fall in the trap of doing so often (otherwise known as self-pity). It is so much sooooo sooooo much better to feel happy than be in a self-pity hole. Amen!
God loves me, God loves you too. =)